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Archive for December, 2009

The New Year – 2010

Greetings all,

I don’t normally do resolutions, at least not in the traditional sense. They almost never seem to get fulfilled, and are a “chore” that comes back to haunt you. “I thought you were (giving up) (Focusing on) (Trying to) ”

So rather then focus on something specific. I plan on trying to live each day in the moment. Not look forward or backward.
That doesn’t mean I won’t save money, Or that i won’t freeze my excess produce, etc. It doesn’t mean I wont plan out the budget.

It means when I’m at the show, I’ll be at the Show! Focused on the movie, the company surrounding me, the enjoyment of the moment itself.
I need to stop letting sneaky worries, concerns, annoyances, get into my head, drawing my focus to something else.

I missed so much of my kids lives, waiting for them to talk, and walk, and ask questions, letting each stage pass me by. Not that I wasn’t a part of their lives, I enjoyed their childhood, but more as a spectator. I was worried about my job and money, and time, and what I could do and what I couldn’t do with an infant, toddler, child, teenager.

If I had to do it all over again, I would be “There” more.. Not just as a spectator or a participant, but with each moment being my entire focus.

I think if I have to be honest, I’ve missed much of my own life too, for the same reasons.

This is my goal.. My resolution if you will.
To live for each moment, accepting all that it has to offer and coming out richer for it.

My two cents,
Ezrandi

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Fly or Drive

Greetings All,

Normally I have these things all planned out, or at the very least an outline, but not today! Today you get the unpolished, unplanned, unfocused me. Lucky for you I have at least had my coffee. 🙂

My husband and I have this argument every time we travel. I say Fly, He says drive. I don’t want to spend 3 days on the road, to spend 3 days there, to drive home 3 days. I’d rather fly there 1 day, spend 5 days and fly 1 day home. For me its all about time. Understandable right?

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My mind has been on our latest terrorist. You know the one.. Lit his pants on fire on the plane. I said about a week before this incident that the next stage in Airport security was a strip search and after that a body cavity search. Why.. Why did he want to make that statement correct?

With as much as I enjoy.. even pursue being right, I would have willingly let this one go. Why strap the explosives to your underwear, Gus? and More importantly, why set your crotch on fire? Seriously? This was your plan? setting your crotch on fire in the seat? I guess I should just chock it up to Thank God for Stupid terrorists! It saved many lives.

Then my husband brings home the news that someone tried to assassinate the prince by packing his own body with explosives. So there you have it guys.. New Airport security measures….

I think we’ll drive from now on. He wins.

also posted on Sew-me-a-sail

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I figured it out…

I’m having a mid-life crisis and not in the normal sense.. I don’t want a sports car or a new toy boy, heck more then likely I wouldn’t know what to do with either of them. I’m Not tired of my life nor my husband. I just don’t know who I am.

I’m not really a mom any more…. I am, but my kids are grown, so really my statement stands.

I haven’t been able to do much writing at all, so (In my own head) my author status is coming up for review.

My gardens failed this year… and I’m cutting down the number of chickens I’m raising.

So, where does that leave me? Who am I? What do I want to do? I know so many things I don’t want to do…. But what do I want to do?

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1) I WANT to go back to school,
but the money it would take would sap all of the extra money that we’ve finally gotten, and would leave my boys without any extra help for their schooling.

I’m not willing to do that. However Once they get stable and get financial aid, I am going back to school.

Maybe cooking classes
Creative writing classes
Or Psychology

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2) I want an office to do my writing in. To see if that helps me get the creative juices back up and flowing.
but that means kicking one of my boys out of their bedroom and forcing the two brothers to share.

Maybe later when its time for them to move out of the house and start their own life.

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I’d guess this should go into rant, but I don’t really feel angry or upset, right now, simply tired.

This is my two cents ….
Not very positive and upbeat, but I’ll work on it.

Ezrandi

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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all!

Its been a hard year, for everyone. People out of work, Houses Foreclosed upon, and overall unrest in the economy.

I am very blessed. My husband has a stable job, even with this economy. It focuses on fixing items rather then buying new. Right now that appeals to everyone in business.
My boys both are working, and the oldest is going to school.

My little mini-farm is doing well, the chickens are going strong, giving me both eggs and meat. The gardens.. well the gardens died off this year. If it were not for the local markets we’d all have scurvy.. but thats another rant. 😉

We have a roof over our head, and clothes on our back and a lot of love. and thats really all that matters.

I hope that the new year brings all of you, plenty of love, Joy and even prosperity. for those that have no homes – a place to live, for those with no jobs – work, for those with no where to turn – hope.

My God bless you and keep you and your family this new year.
Ezrandi

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Reflections in the water, peering up at me,
shifting, shimmering, altering, and changing before my eyes.
Casting illusions of what was and what might be,
beckoning me closer to the waters edge.

Like the siren’s song,
preying on my weakness, envy and regret.
promising all but in the end giving nothing but heartache …



I am not normally plagued by envy, jealousy or regret. Pride is my downfall… and yet, lately with money being tight I find myself walking that fine edge more often.

It is a hard thing to spot, within yourself, due to its natural camouflage – It is not something you wish to see in yourself. Other People can be greedy, jealous, or even envious, but Not me.. It is that denial that allows those negative emotions to flourish and thrive.

By succumbing to jealously, greed and envy, we find that
we are less then we were… So consumed by the “do not haves”, that we forget to look at what we do have, what we are blessed by.

It can turn into an endless and sad circle, the more we do not have, the more we want, the less we appreciate what we have.

Back to me…
It is an uncomfortable realisation that I am indeed mortal and subject to mortal failings. Especially with the Lottery weighing in at 146 million and my Christmas fund so woefully light.

There are so many things I want to do, and want to share. (sigh)
But I am looking at the situation in the wrong way. I am so very blessed! My Life is wonderful. I have a loving husband, two honest and caring sons, a house, food, clothing, good friends, Internet, and the list goes on and on…

This Christmas will be a loving gathering, with few presents, sharing what we have to offer, Ourselves. And that is the way it should be.

Ezrandi

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This is awesome Advice

I saw it a long time ago..   I loved it then.

A friend brought it to my attention again.

I still love it!
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I wish It was my two cents.

Ezrandi

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Note: also posted on Sew-me-a-Sail

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Take a moment

First Rays filtering through the canopy,

bathing the forest in its gentle light.

A single leaf ushered in by a gentle breeze,

Dancing amongst the beams.

Refreshing my soul and offering me

one perfect moment of Serenity.

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We often think that these gifts of beauty or serenity are few and far between.

And yet when we really look at our day, there are so many of these that go unnoticed or are interrupted by   “more important” things that come into our lives…

The sound of an alarm…

The knock at the door…

The ringing of the phone…

The all too common call of “Mom?” or “Honey?”

… and then those moments are forgotten as the unrelenting forces bring our attention to the next thing on our list.

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I find that if I can just live in the “Now of Wolfsong” for a short period, each day, I am happier and healthier then the rest of  mainstream America.  They are hustling and bustling from object and task, and never really stop to look around them and enjoy the moment.

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I try to embrace these instances of beauty when they come,  Put the world on hold, for just a second or two, in order to truly savour these gifts.

It is only in this way that I can use these “perfect moments” to  shore up my sanity  for the next hectic rush that is sure to come.

and there always is a next one….

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Ezrandi

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Note: Also posted at Sew me a sail

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