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Archive for January, 2010

I have been making a list of things to take to God when I die. Things that I consider Unfair, Unjust or just plain wrong. Its getting to be a long list, and at times it causes me to suffer little minor attacks of faith in a Creator that interacts with the world.

Not in the Creator it/her/himself mind you. There is no way that I can look around my portion of the world and not see the Creator’s hand in all of nature from the majesty of the sunrise to the butterfly breaking out of the shell hanging from my fennel plant.

I fully believe that God is a part of all things, In human beings even though we don’t always recognize the essence of God in others’ when we deal with them.

But … Back to my topic…

Why does it seem to me that the people who have had a hard but good life, are the ones that suffer in the end. My Grandmother got Leukemia at 90 years old. Her husband committed suicide when the youngest daughter (my mom) was eight years old. My grandmother raised those two children as a single parent, coming out of the depression. She took care of her own mother, when that was required of her as well.
Why Leukemia? why not simply slip away into the night, peacefully?

My Great Aunt (In-law) has worked hard all her life. Raised on a farm, helping people.. Feeding everyone. I’ve never heard her have an unkind word to say.. Independent and level headed at 90 years old, Then she gets cancer? Seriously? This is the way of things?

Now my Grandfather (in-law) is going through a series of mini strokes.

Seems like the more independent you are, the more personality and sense you have at 90.. the harder your end is. And if you can’t tell I’m pretty bitter about it all.

One person said that people aren’t sick because of what they did.. but they are sick for the people around them. To allow them to deal with the impending death and with their own emotions.

One person said that they’re suffering for others…

I don’t really know what to believe. I just know that its not fair and its a huge speed bump in my faith that prayers help. That God really interacts in our lives.

I vacillate on this line.. where I wonder if the answer to our prayers lies in the willingness of the Godly to live out Christ’s life.
That God Created this beautiful world for us, Gave us free will and offered us the chance to live each day recognizing the essence of God all around us. If that’s the case then the Almighty must be sorely disappointed in his creation.

In this belief, there is no “the Devil made me do it” Its all us. Our choices, Our Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, Lust, Envy, Wrath and our Pride.

I often think that the praying is for us. To give us something to focus on, similar to making the husband boil water while his wife is in the throws of labor. That God does listen, and offers us insight if we’re willing to listen.
Most of the time I do not believe that God actually interacts with our prayers like they’re some big Santa list.
“Oh Johnny’s been good, I’ll grant that prayer.”

That might be a little flippant but I’m dealing with emotions here and I that’s how I get.

If I go with the above viewpoint on God and his/her dealings with us and the world around us, then I’m saved making the list of the unfairness, the injustice; because it all falls on our shoulders. Its no longer how good or bad we’ve been.. its no longer a reward or punishment .. Its just the way of the environment. You got sick because you went outside in the winter with your hair wet. Grandma died because she’s old, Jimmy died because he was sick, etc.

And yet, I believe in Miracles. I’ve seen prayers work. I’ve seen angels coming to help a poor scared child who just wanted to die.

So it boils down to , I don’t know what to believe.. And maybe it’s a mix of the two. Maybe for the most part, this is our world and what we do with it affects each further generation. Maybe God listens to our prayers and offers us ways to deal with the world in its state. Offers us advice and peace and maybe strength to deal with the unpleasant things that happen.

This blog post prolly sounds like rambling.. but again, I’m dealing with emotions here.. so take what you can get.

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Greek Orthadox Church

We went as a Church group-trip to visit the Greek Orthadox Church. Let me tell you, words can’t really describe the beauty and majesty that surrounds you in that church. The first thing that greets you when you walk inside is a mosaic that depicts the Sermon on the Mount. The people in the depiction were probably 3 feet tall, so the detail work in all that tile just took your breath away. when you walked into the church itself, on the ceiling there is a depiction of Jesus (which was 45 feet long) blessing all who enter. Along the sides were sections that more mosiacs that told bible stories. The Nativity, The Transfigureation, the Crusifiction, the Resurection, and Pentacost. (There was one more – but I can’t remember off hand.)

The priest that talked to us was very personable and made the discussion enjoyable. and I left there, missing the glory and majesty of the Catholic church. Not so much missing the church but nostalgia of the ceremony and beauty of the mass.

After the trip, Hubby and I entered our little Presbyterian Church and I smiled. For all the beauty and awe-inspiring sights in the Greek orthadox and/or Catholic Church, God is just as present in our little brick church. I felt welcomed home by the concept that this is where I belonged.

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On that note. This is where I belong … I have such a problem with that. I still .. even after 2-3 years of going to church there, working in the office, working at Adventure Club, and joining the Woman’s Circle, I still feel somewhat like an outsider. Not because of the people at my church. they are very welcoming and friendly.. But I think deep down inside – because of my inhibitions.
I think the problem stems from not knowing how to reconsile my own beliefs with those of the church. AFter being raised with the “My Way is the ONLY way” concept of the Catholic Church, for over 20 years, the Presbyterian way of “You have to be accountable only to God for your beliefs” is hard to digest.
I want to believe it.. I want to embrace it and feel a part of the community that does… and yet sometimes its hard.

Okay enough rambling about my thoughts..

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The New medicine

This new medicine rocks. Period, end of story.
I liked the armor thyroid too, but I think this one works better for me. I have energy all day long.. rather then a burst in the morning and then tapering out in the evening.

It is making a big differnce in mood too. Or maybe thats from my trip.. as it gets closer. I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter.

Just wanted to say I’m Happy.

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We trust in God,
Whom Jesus called Abba, Father.
In Sovereign love God created the world good
and makes everyone equally in God’s image,
male and female, of every race and people,
to live as one community.
But we rebel against God; We hide from our Creator.
Ignoring God’s commandments,
we violate the image of God in others and ourselves,
accept lies as truth,
exploit neighbor and nature, and threaten death the
planet entrusted in our care.
We deserve Gods condemnation.
Yet God acts with justice and mercy to redeem creation.
In everlasting love, the God of Abraham and Sarah chose a
Covenant people to bless all families of the earth.
Hearing their cry,
God delivered the chidlren of Israel
from the house of bondage.
Loving us still,
God makes us heirs with Christ of the covenant.
Like a mother who will not forsake her nursing child,
Like a father who runs to welcome the prodigal home,
God is Faithful still.

A brief statement of faith 10.3

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I love this prayer. Especially the part of it that reads

“In Sovereign love God created the world good
and makes everyone equally in God’s image,
male and female, of every race and people,
to live as one community.”

This is so hard for people to accept. God Created us all in his Image, Male Female, Fat/Skinny, Tall/Short, Race/Creed/Religion/Status/Marital status – None of that matters

All that matters is that we are all part of this great world and we need to treat each other with the respect due to God and his Creation.

Thats my two cents for today,
Ezrandi

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God of compassion,
Please watch over the people of Haiti,
and weave out of these terrbile happenings
wonders of goodness and grace.
Surround those how have been affected by tragedy… See More
with a sense of your present love,
and hold them in faith.
though they are lost in grief,
may they find you and be comforted.
Guide us as a church
to find ways of providing assistance
that heal wounds and provide hope.
Help us to remember that when one of your children suffers we all suffer;
Through Jesus Christ who was dead, but lives and rules this world with you.
Amen

– Bruce Reyes-Chow, Gradye Parsons and Linda Valentine – adapted from the book of Common Worship

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We said this prayer at Church this morning and songs were sung as offerings for the People. It was extremely beautiful and heart warming.
I wanted to share.

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weirdness

I am sooo excited, Its going to be a high of 49 today!!!!!

My son stopped, looked at me and narrowed his eyes.. “You are so Weird!” he says

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I guess I am. After two weeks of FREEZING Temperatures, 49 is so close to 50 I can taste it! Add to it that its a sunny day! Im in (Relative) Heaven!

Now I’m off to spend the sunny day in an office. Nothing is perfect.

Enjoy the day!
Ezrandi

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also posted on Sew-Me-a-Sail

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Value of time

I got this in an email.. with the same old “Pass it on to X-number of friends and it will bring you good luck”
Normally when I see these I just delete them. But this one has a wealth of truth to it and most people don’t realize the value of anything, until its gone.

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn’t have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
Who has given birth to
A premature baby….

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:
LOSE ONE.

The origin of this letter is unknown,

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So many times in a day, unkind words are said, backs are turned, the words and phrases “Later” “Next week” “I’m busy” are used. You never get that time back.

I”m so guilty of this. I have missed out on countless coffee dates with a friend, because of the holidays, I had errands, company or something had come up. I’m going to turn this around.. we have to be able to hold together our friendships despite our schedule. Priorities can be shifted… Should be shifted.. will be shifted.

Time is precious,… and there’s never enough of it in a single day. Set your priorities and the rest of the list be damned….

Heh..

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