Have you ever felt that way? Just packing up, heading out to the farthest reaches of the farthest land, a good 20 miles from anybody. That’s where I’m at, spiritually/mentally. Solitude, prayer, fasting or even just simple introspection – I don’t know.
I feel boxed in, confined, trapped, and over all stifled. It’s not any one person or event that is causing my angst. Maybe it does have to do with finances, obligations, and restrictions, or maybe it is simply that time of the year where cooler temperatures are accompanied by whispered yearnings of freedom.
Whatever is causing it, that is my state of mind today.
Finite moments of doubt looking for immediate gratification, urging me to sell the animals, pack my bags and start walking. Pushing me to live life on one great adventure into the unknown. Instead, I am searching the internet for hotels and cabins in Maine. Planning our vacation for next June, hoping to assuage the urges with a promise and the construction of a plan.
It has been a while since I’ve added gratitudes to the bottom of my page. Since my peace of mind is failing, I think it is time that I start back up again.
I am sooooooo grateful for my life, for Hubby’s job which pays all our bills, for my support for my writing so that one day I can pay the bills and the hubby can quit, For all the multitude of blessings that I have at my fingertips that no one even really thinks about anymore. Internet connection, indoor plumbing, a car for every family, an abundance of everything clothes, shoes, water, food, hairstyle products, soaps, medical care.. So much in fact that we have choices (sometimes too many). We have laws that protect the people, medical care to treat the sick, schooling to educate the young and old alike. We are soo very blessed.
Sometimes, I lose sight of it all. Sometimes, I wallow in pity for what we don’t have, or what I want and can’t have, yet.
That is why I write the gratitudes. To actively put on paper (or on the internet in this case) the things that i often dismiss as normal or common place. Things that are so precious to our livestyle that we wouldn’t know how to live without.
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